MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN BEING SOMEONE’S WIFE....LINDA IKEJI

Linda Ikeji, Chigul, Betty Irabor speak on the pressure to marry before 30

In a recent chat with Genevieve Magazine, publisher Betty Irabor, comedian/actress Chioma ‘Chigul’ Omeruah and celebrity blogger Linda Ikeji shared their thoughts on the pressure women face to get married before the age of 30.

Linda Ikeji: 

MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN BEING SOMEONE’S WIFE.

Get married please, but don’t be pressured into it. I don’t know how many of you single girls are under pressure to get married but I am. Pressure from family, friends and people who just can’t mind their business. The pressure is so intense right now I feel like going to husband market – if there is any such thing- to buy myself some breathing space.

Give me a break you people.

Chigul: 

In my opinion, the pressure is not a fabrication. It is very real! After you have worn asoebi about a million times, you begin to wonder when it is going to be your turn to sell asoebi too! And when you factor in mums and aunties constantly reminding you of the shelf life of women.

It gets to you, even if it is just a bit. People may even suggest some very strange things to you to do to ‘earn’ marriage. Well, I have come to realize that we allow ourselves to be pressured. The decision to get married should not be taken because you are being pressured, that could lead to a disaster.

Don’t let anyone make you go into anything you are not ready for or your joy may be short-lived. And to those mounting pressure on others to go and get married, there is simply no justification for your behaviour

Betty Irabor:

I don’t think women should be worried about being married before 30 because many women before that age have not yet gone through the school of life which prepares them for marriage

From my desk at SurulereWatch, I know being single, sexy, and 30 isn’t the most attractive thing to be as a lady and it can be a daunting task walking around town with confidence. The pressure isn’t as much on the man as it is on the women … because of their ‘shelf-life’ as Chigul puts it.

It could be your partner or parents who keep dropping heavy hints about walking down the aisle, but whoever it is, being pressurized to get married is very stressful – but how can you handle the situation with tact?

Try these tips if you’re under pressure to get married and let posterity be your judge.

Never give in: When you’re on the hot seat, it would be a serious mistake to give in. Both partners have to be 100% into the idea or you’re heading for problems. Never pressurize your partner if he/she gets uncomfortable whenever you bring up the topic because agreeing to get married just to keep the peace will make you feel resentful in the future.

Already committed: Many parents put pressure on their children to get married because of religious reasons or because they feel children should be born only within a marriage. But whether you decide to have children or not, you can still just be as committed to someone without a legal ceremony; and marrying someone wouldn’t cement a shaky relationship, but mess it up for good.

When you’re ready: Even if you want to get married, the time may not be right for you just yet. Tell people you’ll get married only if, and when you’re ready; you’ll have to be resolute and thick-skinned because emotional blackmail may be used, and that’s just cheap.

Different views: Sometimes, family and friends can push you into marriage and this can lead you into the wrong hands. Marriage is a personal commitment and you might not just be interested in it. If so, explain calmly that you hold different views on the subject and you can’t get married just to please someone else. You respect their views but those are their views, and you’re equally entitled to have your own opinions – which may be different.

Stressful: It could really be depressing when you’re always asked irrelevant questions (that they already know the answer to) or when you’re constantly being teased about marriage. An old aunt of mine kept teasing me whenever we attended family weddings like, “hmmmn … Ubong, I can’t wait to come and eat jollof rice at your wedding o”. She stopped the day I gave her a little nudge at a burial ceremony we attended, “ … hmmnnn – aunty, I can’t wait to come and eat jollof at your burial o”

Even gentle hints about mother of the bride outfits and wedding venues can get irritating if heard often enough. Ask them to stop because its stressing you out. It’s more complicated when your partner is the one pressurizing you, but try to explain that although you are not ready or don’t want to get married, you still love them.

Divorce statistics: Finally, you may have to be blunt and point out that divorce statistics are very high. A massive 65% of Nigerian marriages fail, and most girls I know that got married early complain to me that they were immature and if they had known what they did now, they wouldn’t have married at the time.

So marriage doesn’t guarantee that a relationship will last any longer than an unmarried one. Marrying someone you love, (especially a friend) is a wonderful experience but you can’t get married to please someone else. You must be completely sure he/she loves you back, and confident that you have found the right person for you.

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